Hello, old friend Dublingers blog. It’s been awhile. We’ve been living back in the States now for almost 4 years (!), and while I’ve added a few posts in that time, I still feel that I never officially talked about our last few weeks in Dublin and the experience of moving home. The brief version is — it was harder than I expected! I knew that moving to a new country would be hard and take a lot of adjustment, but I didn’t anticipate that moving back home would also be hard, in similar and different ways. We had begun to build a sense of community and normalcy in Dublin and enjoyed so many wonderful times there. As excited as we were to move back and be near family, it was so hard to let go of our lives there. In our last few weeks, it was like rewinding the tape on our early days there, a stripping away of all the daily life and structures that we had built. Packing tons of boxes, saying goodbye to friends, shutting down all our local utilities, moving out of our house, and eventually spending the last few days in a hotel room living out of suitcases and feeling in limbo. Similar to when we first arrived there, but in reverse. On the plane, as we took off, I typed a quick message to myself in a note on my phone. I’ll share it now

“Leaving Dublin — all the memories, experiences, images flashing through my mind from the past two years, flooding me with memories and emotions. Tears streaming down my face on the airplane — feeling like I’m flying away from all I’ve seen and done, but at the same time knowing it’s always in me. So proud of my boys for all the new things and transitions they’ve experienced. Wondering what they’ll remember — did I ruin their lives these past two years by putting them out of their comfort zone, or enhance their lives? Will we remember all these places, people, feelings? Will it all feel like a dream? Will we feel at home back home? Will we remember all the details? Cobblestone streets in Prague and Vienna, tiled buildings in Lisbon, sunsets in Tenerife and Morocco, the twinkling fairy lights of Tivoli in Copenhagen, beaches in Croatia and Malaga, double decker buses in London and Edinburgh, beautiful grand squares and castles galore, outdoor cafes sipping coffee, wine, and ice cream in Paris and Italy, watching the boys play in parks and playgrounds and beaches and town squares all over Europe, play with children from so many countries. Walking Dublin’s streets and bridges, pubs bedecked with hanging flower baskets and the sound of trad music escaping onto the street, the green countryside and dramatic cliffs and twisty roads of Ireland, ancient historic sites, quaint colorful villages and thatch roof cottages, welcoming friendly people, the low key attitude toward things, the frustration trying to get anything done, lack of customer service, the obstacles of figuring out the different systems — medical, educational, even little cultural traditions.”

It’s all a bit sentimental and written in the moment, but captures what I was feeling at the home. There’s no neat and tidy ending to our time in Ireland — it continues to live in my heart and thoughts, even as we’ve adjusted to and have loved being back home too.

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And part of the reason I’m picking up this blog again is to potentially write a bit during the worldwide coronavirus pandemic currently happening. It’s such a crazy and difficult time, and since I already have this blog in place, I may write about some of the current experiences. If you were a previous reader of Dublingers and decide not to follow anymore, that’s totally fine! I’m not sure yet if and how much I’ll write, but with the world turned so upside down at the moment, it helps for me to turn to writing to process and share.