Even before moving abroad, I was always interested in how parenting practices differed in different countries and cultures. I find it fascinating to learn what norms, values, and traditions are held in various countries when it comes to children, and to realize that what we consider “right” and “normal” can be quite different in different places. 

One blog I read a lot before our expat adventure featured posts from American moms living abroad in different countries and what aspects surprised them the most about parenting abroad. The blog actually inspired and reassured me that if they could find their way — with kids in tow — in a new country (oftentimes places much more foreign or exotic than Ireland), then certainly I could do it too. 

So over the past 2 years of mostly bumbling my way through parenting abroad, I’ve come to notice a few differences that stand out in my mind. These are, of course, just my experiences and opinions — could be totally different for someone else! With that being said, here are the 10 things that surprised me the most about parenting in Ireland: 

1. Playgroups cater to moms as well as kids. When I attended my first playgroup with Rafi, where a bunch of toys and large ride-on vehicles were strewn about a room for kids to explore, it didn’t seem so different from similar playgroups/play areas at home. But what struck me right away was the table set up in the corner with tea/coffee and biscuits (cookies) for the moms to enjoy. Moms (and dads) seemed to grab a tea or coffee and stand around and chat with other parents while their kids played. It was definitely clear that the moms’ fun and socializing was just as important as the kids’. 

2. Less helicoptering than at home. Going along with the tea/coffee/chatting phenomenon, I’ve noticed that whether at playgroups, a play cafe, on a play date, or at the park, the parents here seem to hover less around their kids than in the States. When I was living in the States,  I’d feel that I “should” be playing with my kids at all times, but here parents seem to take a step back and let the kids play and help if a problem arises. 

3. Less mom guilt. I’ve found that parents here feel less guilty — and make each other feel less guilty — than back home. Whether it’s choosing formula over breastfeeding, putting your kids in daycare, getting a babysitter to go out til 4 in the morning, letting them watch TV or eat non-organic snacks, it seems that parents don’t beat themselves — or each other — up about these choices or to consider them the end of the world. It’s all about balance and doing what you need to do to raise kids and still maintain your own life. 

4. Breastfeeding rates are much lower. In a recent report, 56% of Irish moms initiate breastfeeding compared to 90% for the rest of Europe, and by 6 months old, only 6% of Irish moms were still breastfeeding. In the States, a CDC report found that 79% of moms begin nursing their newborns and by 6 months old, 49% are still breastfeeding. I think there are a number of factors at work, including a desire for moms and dads to have equal responsibilities (therefore bottle feeding is the choice for that), as well as lack of knowledge, role models, and support resources. I very rarely see moms nursing in public in Ireland. I suspect some moms may breastfeed at home and then pump and feed bottles of breastmilk when they’re out, but still the overall rate of breastfeeding is lower than in the States or other parts of Europe. 

5. More of a push to start daycare and school earlier. I had Rafi home with me rather than in a crèche (daycare), and was asked numerous times when I was going to be starting him in some kind of program. I wasn’t totally opposed to having him go a few hours a week, but I just didn’t end up finding a place that worked for us. What struck me, though, was how widespread it was to start kids in a crèche very young — even if a parent is home with them full time. It’s considered good for them to start gaining independence and, again, important for the mom to get a break. School, as well, is started earlier here too — and parents seem eager to get their kids started.

6. Less emphasis on individuality. In preschool and, to some extent, school, it seemed a number of the activities and especially art projects were very proscribed. All the kids were supposed to make the same painting or art project, or to progress at the same pace in school (this was less the case at Isaac’s school where the learning was a little more individually catered, but I heard about this from parents in other schools). In the states, there tends to be a lot of emphasis on making each child feel unique and special, which I think can get a little over the top at times, but what I did miss here was the freedom to do things differently and more creatively, say, with an art project. 

7. Life sometimes seems like the 1970s. In many ways life feels simpler here, in lots of good ways. The feel of a neighborhood where you get to know your local butcher, baker, cafe owner. Kids being allowed to be kids in a carefree way. On the other hand, things may not have caught up safety wise…kids often don’t wear bike helmets, car seats aren’t always used, etc. There is also less concern with stereotyping boys and girls (whereas at home there is a growing sensitivity to not labeling things strictly “girl” or “boy” colors/toys/activities), as well as less concern for kids play fighting, such as with swords or even squirt guns/toy guns. My personal theory is that since actual gun violence here is so rare and there would be very little concern that kids would ever come across a real gun, it can be seen as much more of fantasy play, just as sword fighting like Knights and dragons is pure fantasy. 

8. Friendliness to kids in public. In general, kids seem to be very welcome and well received when out and about. I find that people, particularly older people, are often very friendly to kids, smiling at them and commenting on how adorable or well-behaved they are (well not always mine specifically 😉 but I’ve overheard these kinds of comments a lot in general). And even when kids are having a hard time in public, most of the time, people are understanding, giving a smile or saying “ah, ye’ve sure got yer hands full, don’t ye?” in an empathetic rather than judgemental way. 

9. Birthday parties made easy. My experience of birthday parties here is that the easier the better. Parents don’t seem to stress about invitations (a text message or the pre-printed fill in kind will suffice…in fact many times when you have the party at a play space they’ll even provide the fill-in invitations for you) or theme. A lot of people choose to have parties at a play space where you don’t have to worry about anything. The place can provide the food, cake, lead activities for the kids, and even provide the goody bags. While it may not be as personalized or Pinterest-like as a more creative do it yourself party like at home, it certainly seems to take the stress away from parents and make the whole thing easier. 

10. Kids are kids in any country. While there are certainly many differences between here and home, there are also probably even more similarities. After all, kids are kids all over the world, so no matter where you go there are kids playing, exploring, melting down, eating ice cream, being with their families…and seeking out other kids to play with, regardless of which country they come from.

So on the whole, these have been the things that have stood out the most to me about life with kids abroad. There are lots of positive aspects to parenting both here and at home, and it’s been really interesting to experience another culture through the lens of raising kids. I can’t say I prefer one place over the other when it comes to parenting styles — there are parts I want to maintain when I move back and parts I could say goodbye to — but what’s been most eye opening is simply realizing that what’s considered the “right” way to parent can vary depending where in the world you are, and knowing there are a multitude of ways can actually ease the anxiety of wondering whether you’re doing it “perfect” or “right.”